The Narcissistic Cycle of Abuse - Idealise, Devalue and Discard!

Idealise, Devalue, Discard!

The Narcissist relationship cycle is extreme and generally follows a pattern.  Individuals in these relationships experience whirlwind like romance which moves very fast, faster than a healthy relationship should. A Covert Narcissist is particularly dangerous as they may seem like a pillar of the community to the outside world.  The pattern of these relationships tend to be broken down into three stages:

The Cycle of Abuse - 3 stages Idealise, Devalue and Discard

Idealise - Soul Mates

Idealisation -  At the beginning of the relationship the emotional high can feel like a drug cocktail as potent as taking heroin and the effects can last for weeks, months and even years.  Victims of Narcissistic abuse report feeling as if they have found their soul mate, some describe this as love bombing.  The Narcissists target may feel smothered by praise, intense sex, promises of a future together in a very short space of time.  Narcissists habitually put their partners on a pedestal at the start of the relationship. Red flags are ignored as victims are so swept away in the euphoria of these relationships.  

Devalue - The Mask slips

Narcissistic Cycle of Abuse

Devalue - The longer you are with the Narcissist the more time you will spend in this stage, during the devalue phase you begin to feel unsettled and restless in your relationship. 


There appear to be no answers or explanations and you certainly will not hear them from the Narcissist.  There is a nagging feeling inside you and you feel a negative energy from this person, the worst part is that you cannot understand why this is happening.  


It can happen when the Narcissist is upset with you for whatever reason they have manufactured or it could be that they are just getting a little bored with you, typical actions of the Narcissist during this time can be given the silent treatment, gas lighting, projection, verbal and sometimes physical abuse, his attention is being spent elsewhere as he is obtaining new supply, he may then move on to the Discard phase.  


This cycle of abuse, keeps victims in fight and flight mode and can continue endlessly if you allow it, victims will often tell how they keep going back for more heartbreak, allowing the Narcissist to repeat the Idealise, Devalue and Discard Trauma, gaslighting and coercive control, until the victims no longer have any control over their lives.


The longer you remain a victim, the harder it will be to escape and as they lose respect for you, the abuse will step up a notch and happen more frequently. 


Discard -Goodbye

Perhaps the most soul-destroying stage of the Narcissistic Cycle of Abuse is the Discard.  Discarding the victim comes at the very end of the road, the Narcissist has no other choice as they realise that you have either become wise to their ways/lies or you are so broken they no longer have a use for you.  They realise that the cycle of Idealise, Devalue and Discard has come to the end with you as you have figured them out.  This is the point where you are called crazy and he cannot take anymore of your nonsense.  If the Narcissist feels he has no means to devalue you any further then he will completely discard you, this can be agonising for the victims who have been in this cycle for so long and are then completely discarded without warning.  It is so tragic that there is just not enough support and understanding for those that struggle to recover even once they have escaped the Narcissist they still continue to second guess the trauma, gaslighting and coercive control they were subjected too.