Narcissistic Abuse affects men too!!

Michael's Story

  

It’s important to raise awareness of Narcissistic Abuse, but as we do we need to remember this happens to men too. 


Below is the story of Michael who still after many years suffers symptoms left behind from the abuse and he lives in hope to this day that he will one day be able to return back to his home in Bedfordshire. 

 

When I met this woman, I was feeling particularly vulnerable, having recently split from my ex-partner with whom I was deeply in love with. 


I soon realised that I was being cheated on by this new woman and not with just one but many other men. I felt my life crumble around me as I had believed this relationship could have been the one.

 

It was clear just a short time into our relationship that she may have serious mental health problems but she presented as loving and kind so I overlooked these concerns which were clearly red flags. 


One evening during a social event with friends, where alcohol was involved, shortly after my friends left, she threatened and then proceeded to fall backwards from the window of my 3rd floor flat, I managed to grab onto her by her top and she began to push back with her legs, resulting in her top ripping from my grasp and I watched as she fell head first to into the back of an estate vehicle.

 

She was taken to hospital and thank goodness her injuries were minor, my trauma however was horrific as I felt the judgement of others assuming I pushed her from the window and I had to prove my innocence when arrested by the Police.  


Luckily she was able to verify my story.  This however was to be the start of many more horrific incidents which I now know where attention seeking behaviours she loved to be the centre of attention.


The relationship moved very quickly and at her insistence I gave up my flat in Reading and moved in with her as I believed her when she claimed we would be together forever.


She knew exactly how to make me feel good, telling me I was the best lover she ever had and in my fragile state, she repaired my bruised ego and I quickly became captivated in some kind of spellbound adoration of her. 


I can now see this was her grooming me to make sure I fell for her in a big way and it clearly worked. 

She was going through a particularly difficult divorce and despite the strain this was causing on our relationship I continued to support her through this. It wasn’t long before I realised that she became entirely irrational once she had a glass of red wine and this appeared to be a nightly occurrence. 


She would have rages which I have since been told is typical Narcissistic rage and she had a problem with drugs. I should have made my escape but I was so intoxicated by the nice woman she could be and she made me believe I wouldn’t be able to cope without her. 


In the 2 years we were together the police were called so many times and on each occasion, I would refuse to press charges as she made me feel sorry for her but I didn’t realise this was a tactic a narcissist would use to keep me hooked in until I finally left

I lived in complete fear, continually injured; the neighbours and the police knew what she was doing but no one spoke up, which just gave me confirmation that I should be ashamed and I continued to take the abuse in silence.

  

I’m not a weak man physically but I just never could bring myself to hurt a female and I knew that she had bipolar disorder, so she would play the sympathy card each time I tried to leave and my love for her still remained so strong. 


I became isolated from family and friends and in time I was not even allowed to go to the shops. The blaming and shaming comments were never ending and it became easier to stay at home rather than face the fear and shame of someone realising what was happening to me.


The final turning point for me was one evening, here I was, yet again, begging her and crying, “Why are you doing this to me?” She even locked me in the garage at one point to prevent me from leaving and there were some horrific violent events that followed. 


I fled to Scotland, but she was bombarding me with messages and promised to change and to those that can understand I actually felt addicted to her. I should have realised that she would never change, and although I returned to her it wasn’t long before I made my final trip back to Scotland and finally blocked all methods of contact.



To this day I can still be triggered back to those awful times. I wanted to share my story as I know exactly how difficult it is for men to stand up and say this is happening to them too. 


I hope by sharing this it will encourage other men to stand up and share their own stories.


Thank you, Michael, (Identity and Locations changed) for sharing this difficult story with me. Written by Sarah 

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